Not being able to save someone you love is something that eats at you. Having to watch someone suffer ….knowing… nothing you say or do can make a difference…. is torture.
Trying to reach them, a level so deep inside of them …you can barely reach down that far….,trying to find their sanity… trying to find the person they once were.... trying to set them free from the demons deep inside them….trying to communicate… trying to help them see the reality. It's so far away and so out of reach!
It’s an untouchable space.
Wanting so much to help them, change them and make decisions for them but you can’t. When you look from the outside, you can see it all so clear. You can see the fork in the road but they can’t. They see one way and that way is a path of destruction, a path of suffering, a path that leads to the end! The end of their life, the end of the ability to turn around, the end of the hope you once had and the path you always knew they’d walk but never wanting to believe it.
Not being able to save someone is truly heartbreaking! Remembering the days they were young and innocent, the days they were able to share life with you, the memories that feel so distant now, The memories of days when they lived carefree and happy, the days you looked forward to in the future....Hoping you’d get them back… hoping you’d get another chance.
It’s all gone. Those chances, the hope, the praying, the begging, the dreaming and the wishing has all come to an end.
An end that results in a new beginning. A new beginning of days they won’t pick up the phone anymore, the days the jokes end, the laughter and the fake smile will be gone. Their lonely road of suffering and long torturous battles have ended but you can’t help feeling incomplete, helpless, heartbroken, empty, like a fresh wound, a void. Even though they may be at peace… your heart can’t seem to find it.
Not being able to save someone you love is horrific, heavy, a feeling that has no end… and you now carry it with you. It has become a part of you. The end for them is the beginning of something different for you! A heavy and heartbreaking feeling you will always carry. 💙